“The extraordinary power of love” – Ylang’s story

After very sadly losing her son to suicide, Ylang was offered help from Rethink Surrey Support After Suicide. She is fundraising for Rethink Mental Illness and next year, will be embarking on an unforgettable marathon through the Sahara Desert to honour her son.

On November 25, 2023, we tragically lost our hero and beloved son, Gem, who was just 31 years old, to suicide. He always prioritised the needs of others above his own. His personal mantra, “always come proper”, reflected his belief that the way we present ourselves matters. It’s not just about appearance; it’s about showing dignity and respect in every situation. He always strived to live his life by this principle.

Gem was also a very loving person and worked very hard to support his family, especially his daughter. He would do anything he could to help others, which is why his employers valued him so highly. According to his friends, he uplifted everyone around him and fostered a positive atmosphere. The tragedy truly took us by surprise as we had no idea he was struggling.

As the initial shock began to settle in the wake of the tragedy, we were left grappling with the profound impact of what had occurred. Each day that followed brought the heart-wrenching realisation that my son was no longer with us. The weight of this grief is unlike anything I have ever experienced; it drains every ounce of energy in my being. It feels like an ongoing journey through the unknown, leaving me adrift and struggling to find a purpose in a world without him. 

Shortly after Gem's passing, my husband and I were reached out to by Rethink Surrey Support After Suicide. At the time, we were unsure how they had obtained our information, but we thought it likely that either the police or county council had shared our details with them. Navigating such an unimaginable tragedy was overwhelming, and in our uncertainty, we felt it was best to embrace their support. 

Rethink Surrey Support After Suicide provided us with compassionate refuge, a safe space where we could openly express our feelings and thoughts, truly heard and supported without judgement. They consistently showed genuine care for us, always ensuring that we were okay and that everything aligned with our best interests. I was able to utilise their counselling and therapy services, which significantly helped me to cope with the trauma. 

Through Rethink’s support groups, we met others who were also affected by suicide. We learned that all stories are different, but the grief is the same. The regular meet-ups and check-ins organised by the charity became a source of comfort and strength for us, reminding us that we weren’t alone in this journey. It was heartening to share our experiences and find solidarity with those who truly understood what we were going through. 

In the midst of my grief, I also found solace in running. It became a sanctuary where I could reconnect with the world around me. As the pain that once numbed my senses began to fade, the gentle melodies of morning choir birds reawakened me. The sweet fragrance of vibrant blossoms that peeked through the grass along the trail fills the air with life. The sun’s warm, reassuring touch on my face felt comforting. 

With each stride, I discovered the warmth of smiles returning, especially as I crossed the finish line at countryside races. I began seeking those fleeting moments of joy, those ‘glimmers’ that reminded me of life’s beauty. 

A year has passed, and I am embarking on a new journey of self-discovery, love and healing. To honour Gem’s memory while embracing my healing, I’ve set a personal goal that holds deep meaning for me. This is committing to participate in one of the toughest foot races on earth, the Marathon Des Sables Legendary 2026. This extraordinary, multi-stage challenge lasts for six days, spanning approximately 250 kilometres through the unforgiving terrains and sweltering heat of the Sahara. 

I aspire to complete all six stages of this race. But as someone who isn't an athlete, I know that it won't be sheer adrenaline that will carry me through; it will be the pure and profound love of a mother that fuels my every stride. This journey not only acknowledges my pain and what I’ve lost, but also serves as a reminder of the extraordinary power of love and compassion, and what it can achieve. 

I once came across a beautiful saying that truly resonates: “An act of charity is a springboard to healing”. The charity has been a guiding light during the darkest times in our lives. I often reflect on how different our lives might have been without their kindness and compassion. Their support continues to make a significant difference even today. In gratitude for all they have done, I feel a deep desire to give back by raising funds, ensuring they can continue their vital work in supporting families and friends who have been affected by suicide.  

I often find myself thinking of Gem, and it brings a tear to my eye. He is the first thought that crosses my mind each morning when I wake up and pray. Instead of trying to push those feelings away, I’ve learned to embrace those few moments and offer them to him. Grief, while a heavy burden, is ultimately a profound expression of love. It can break us apart, yet it also holds the incredible power to rebuild and transform us in ways we may not expect.